I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
