I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
