I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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