he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
