My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
