Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
