party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
