grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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