Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
