Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
