the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
