Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
