Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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