i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
