I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
