When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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