Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
