But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he puts the penis in happiness.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
