I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
