So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
