i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
