No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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