drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am available for nakedness
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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