i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
