I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
