Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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