I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
