so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
