i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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