I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
