Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What a dumb baby whore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
