Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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