DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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