some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
