need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
