i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
