She's JV to your varsity
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
