is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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