Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
