Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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