I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
