small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
