I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
