Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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