your parents love me but you hate me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
