I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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