So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
