Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
