either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
