I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
